We’re going on being married for 5 weeks and already I’ve questioned it.
Am I being a good wife?
I’m greeted with compliments from friends at the gym reassuring me that I am, but there are the moments when you doubt it.
Like at 6am when the alarm sounds, you walk to turn it off, then curl back into bed as you watch your husband wake to shower to start his day. 6am is not the norm for you. He knows that now. But before him? No 6am was only a hopeful alarm time. No your norm was more like alarms at 6:45, 7:00, 7:15, 7:30, then finally waking at 7:45 to roll out of bed, stumble to your car, and try to gain consciousness when you reached the gym.
No 6am is new.
So with sleep still in your eyes, you stumble downstairs to once again be greeted with new.
Make coffee. Pack lunch. Pour cereal and juice. Count out vitamins ( enough now for two of you.)
You’ve learned he likes his coffee strong, sweet, and slightly tan. As you stir in the creamer you think of how his coffee often reflects you- strong, sweet, and slightly tan.
You say a prayer of gratitude that your husband is a man who is ok with eating the same thing each morning because while you said you’d make grits and eggs for breakfast one day this week, you really meant the idea of grits and eggs sounded nice one day this week.
He slips downstairs, reaches around to hug you from behind and you breathe in the freshness of his morning scent. Axe. It’s always been Axe and yet this fragrance now is home. It calms and awakens.
You set out breakfast as he pulls out his bible. Again, your thankful for this moment. The moment that so often can be easy to push aside when the mornings get busy. You curl beside him under the blanket, pull out your bible, and you both silently commune with your Father as you prepare your hearts for the day.
He leaves for work with a kiss. Then the question strikes again.
Did you do enough to be a good wife?
It’s taken me 5 weeks to battle that question. Most mornings look like what I described above but there are those where I’m exhausted. Where I don’t feel good. He lets me linger in the bed, he packs his own lunch, makes his own breakfast, and I stumble down the stairs as he leaves. If my worth as a wife was wrapped in the motions of my morning, then I would be nothing.
Yet, it’s not the works I do that are the foundation of our marriage, but the word of God.
See, at the end of the day, if I forgot this was the week to change the sheets or if I missed taking the recycling down or I didn’t write a note on his lunch napkin or I forgot that we ran out of chips and he’s left with pretzels left from our wedding, we are still married. My works don’t save it. My works can make it healthy as we manage a home and our bodies but they ultimately don’t determine if our marriage will work out. No, our commitment to the covenant we joined with Christ on July 18th, that’s the foundation for our marriage.
So today, if you find yourself facing a list from the world of ” 15 things you can do to be a good wife” take a moment to remember it’s not your works that make your marriage. Its your love for your Savior and your husband that do.