Many of you will read what is below and have questions- I ask you to ask them. Many will be skecptical- I ask you to let me explain. Please read this in it’s entirety.
On June 10 2003 I walked my sobbing self down to an alter covered with other sobbing teens. I “prayed” the prayer to be saved. I began to believe. I dove into the motions of the Christian life. I was baptized. I did it all. I thought I was changed.
As the years progressed I journeyed up and down hills,often stopping out of fear of if I was saved, so I would pray again and in August one year I got rebaptized.
Things kept rolling, I was a leader here, a volunteer there,I was someone people looked up to. I thought I knew it all.
College came, my know it all thought quickly faded, I began to truly evaluate my walk with Jesus. I found some pot holes that were not fixed properly.
This past Friday I let my guard down completely. I allowed Satan to control me by letting him first control my eating. I ate very little but I also harmed myself by making myself throw up ( you can’t visible harm yourselve when your a swimmer) Second I let him take captive of my thoughts. I had terrible suicidal nightmares and I couldn’t sleep. This night would change my weekend.
I called my friend Tierah and she called our friend Marek. They calmed me down and they talked me through somethings. When we returned to the dorm Tierah asked her sister Britin if I could stay with her and I did. I still didn’t sleep well that night and Saturday was a swim meet for us. I was still weak, still ate little before the meet, and I still made myself throw up. I did not swim my events but decided to only swim the relay after realizing my body wasn’t going to be able to swim. Swimming the relay killed me. We finished, went to lunch and I still didn’t eat. I played it off as if I was sick.
We returned to the college and I stayed with Britin again. We sat and talked and Britin made the statement that I need to know when I truly gave my heart to Jesus. We finished and I returned to her room where I sat and talked to Jesus. I asked if I had ever given Him my heart, He said no. I asked if I was ever His child, He said no. I sat and realized I had gone through these motions of what it took to be a Christian but never was a true child of Christ. He pointed my heart to Jeremiah 29:13 that says ” You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” WITH ALL YOUR HEART. It was right then that I sat and gave my heart to Jesus. Not just my heart but my mind, my soul, my body, and my life. I became a child of Christ.
I know many of you don’t understand this and you can’t see the change. Yes Jesus did use me over the past so many years, but he can use those who do not believe for his glory. I know this was real because #1 I have the peace,love, and joy that pass all understanding. #2 It wasn’t some forced, emotion lead, everyone is doing it alter call. It was a heart to heart moment with Jesus that no one else could ever create.
This is the story of my salvation and yes this is what I am calling it. You may read this and call it a mere rededication, I don’t care. All I know is that I am now a Child of Christ and I am daily trying to live like HIM.