Facing the fact

 

Eating disorders. They kill. Did you know that? Did you know I’m a victim of the vicious cycle? I have been and it’s still something I struggle with.

Skinny is the new cool. Skinny is something I’ve not been since I was little and even then I was still picked on about my weight.

“Fatty fatty, two-by-four, can’t fit through the kitchen door”

Diets. Restricted eating. Binges. Purges. All of them have at one point described my life. Last January I spent 6 hours in the gym every day, I barely ate and when I did, I purged. In swimming, I excused my throwing up as to nerves. Hey everyone else did it, I could too and get away with it.

I got caught. Then was told I should start therapy. So I did. I got a little better. Didn’t purge as much, ate a little more. Sometimes I’d go on  a binge and felt guilty after it.

Fall term. I couldn’t swim. Spent all summer swimming and working on technique, but due to my schedule, I couldn’t. I gained all the weight I’d lost back. Christmas came and I couldn’t fit into my Christmas clothes.

It’s Spring term now. I battle with clothes daily. I have my old high school jeans because nothing else fits. I battle with Satan. I hear his voice and he tempts me. He tried to keep me out of the gym. I’ve been afraid of myself. This morning, I let him win. I gave in. I purged even when nothing was there. I felt guilty, ashamed. I had listened to Satan. But, Jesus kept me. He held me through the day. After some conversations with people, I decided Satan wouldn’t win. I went to the gym for the first time today and even ate a full meal after.

Weight. It’s my weakness. I struggle so much with it. I”m determined though, not to fall back into his traps. He may have one this morning, but he can not control me. I am the Lord’s. He is my master. No longer shall I be victim to the lies of the enemy but I shall overcome Him. I will crush Him with my foot. I will attack Him with the truth. I will win. God will get the Glory.

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One thought on “Facing the fact

  1. I love you! It takes a brave woman to tell tge world this kind of stuff. I’m proud of you because you are steps into your recovery and freedom. I don’t need to tell you God will set you free. God will be your strength! I know you know that. Also know that God has put people in your life to be your strength and pray when you are weak. That’s part of what we do as brothers and sisters! You blessed a lot of people by just writing this. I adore you! You call me if you need anything! I’m proud of you! Kick the enemy in the teeth and remember who you serve always.

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