Skinny is the new cool. Skinny is something I’ve not been since I was little and even then I was still picked on about my weight.
“Fatty fatty, two-by-four, can’t fit through the kitchen door”
Diets. Restricted eating. Binges. Purges. All of them have at one point described my life. Last January I spent 6 hours in the gym every day, I barely ate and when I did, I purged. In swimming, I excused my throwing up as to nerves. Hey everyone else did it, I could too and get away with it.
I got caught. Then was told I should start therapy. So I did. I got a little better. Didn’t purge as much, ate a little more. Sometimes I’d go on a binge and felt guilty after it.
Fall term. I couldn’t swim. Spent all summer swimming and working on technique, but due to my schedule, I couldn’t. I gained all the weight I’d lost back. Christmas came and I couldn’t fit into my Christmas clothes.
It’s Spring term now. I battle with clothes daily. I have my old high school jeans because nothing else fits. I battle with Satan. I hear his voice and he tempts me. He tried to keep me out of the gym. I’ve been afraid of myself. This morning, I let him win. I gave in. I purged even when nothing was there. I felt guilty, ashamed. I had listened to Satan. But, Jesus kept me. He held me through the day. After some conversations with people, I decided Satan wouldn’t win. I went to the gym for the first time today and even ate a full meal after.
Weight. It’s my weakness. I struggle so much with it. I”m determined though, not to fall back into his traps. He may have one this morning, but he can not control me. I am the Lord’s. He is my master. No longer shall I be victim to the lies of the enemy but I shall overcome Him. I will crush Him with my foot. I will attack Him with the truth. I will win. God will get the Glory.