If I could write a letter to me, and send it to myself way back at 18, here’s what I’d say to me:
This may sound weird but this is coming from you at 21. Don’t believe me? In your closet, on the top shelf in a beat-up clipboard sits a letter from your dad when you were 16. Right now your pumped about college, you’ve been accepted to Berea, your a Bonner Scholar, and in just a few months your leaving home to travel 353 miles to get away from the madness. You’ve made college friends at KSU. But right now, your hardening your heart. Your slowly becoming jealous and are manipulating others. You’ll continue this behavior for the next few years. You’ll pretend everyone else is an action figure and they obey your every command. You hid behind this plastic mask, trying to gain negative attention because your too selfish to face the music. You want to continue to roll in your self pity because for once in your life you have people who are focussed on you.
Stop it. Stop it Kaela.
Slowly, your going to ruin your friendships. It’ll start slow, but soon people will have had enough. They can’t be your action figure. They see right through the mask and into the mess your life has become. But you don’t listen. You don’t want their advice. They want you to get better but if your better no one is looking at you anymore.
Here’s the thing Kaela. It’s not about you. This world is not about you. Your life is not for you. Your life is for Christ. This world is about Christ. Your mission is to be a light in this world. You can’t do that though until you let the light burn in your life so much that you turn into ashes. One big, black, beautiful mess of ashes. It’s then that Christ can build you. It’s then that you realize that no longer is this life yours but His and no longer is the attention to be on you but on Him. You are to fix your eyes on Him so that others can see Him in you so they become fixated on Him.
Your foolish. Your going to leave GA being pious and egotistical. You want to save Berea, but what you don’t know is Berea is going to save you.
I wish you would take to heart the advice from those around. I guess though if you did, I wouldn’t be who I am. You are so stubborn.