Thoughts Inside the Mind

The day before weigh in’s always is a hard one for me. For those who have followed my blog for a while, you know that I suffered with eating disorders for a while. When it comes to the end of the week and I know that it’s close to weigh in these are just a few of the thoughts that race through my mind…

You didn’t work hard enough this week.
You won’t make weight this week.
You should probably not eat today so you can shed a few more pounds.
You might want to wear two layers of clothes to bed so you can sweat out some of your water.
You could try throwing up again to see if that changes anything.
You may workout 3 times today, and only consume 500 calories.

All of these thoughts and more flood my mind. Sometimes it’s hard to stay focussed and know that I am losing weight the right way now and none of those thoughts can actually help me. It scares me that those are things I use to do.

This challenge wasn’t just for losing weight, it was to finally achieve health. It was to learn ways to actually help my body lose what it needs but to also give it what it desires to keep going. It was to break the addition and bondage to food that I had developed for 22 years. This challenge was more of a recovery and rehab program than a weight loss. It was a change.

So no I don’t starve myself on Fridays, do a crazy amount of workouts, throw up, sleep in excess clothes, or dehydrate my body. I force myself to fight past those chains and rest in the knowledge that God has provided the proper tools for me to succeed. If I don’t make weight this week, it’s not the end of the challenge.

I will overcome. I will win the battle over my mind. I will become healthy.

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