Uncharted Heart

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Besides your common grade school crush, I’ve endured one relationship. It lasted 2 months. He broke up with me after the holidays and informed me that I was merely his crutch that helped him hobble along during the family visits. I was crushed. 

Though I had grown fond of having a hand to hold, a voice to sing sweet good ol’ country songs to me, and a dating life, my heart was never pursued by this boy. He may have won me over in my mind, but he never dove deeper and discovered the true me. 

I often hear of high school sweethearts and years of dating and wonder ” Was something wrong with me?” Why did I never experience the young love, the cuteness of walking down hallways hand in hand, secret locker notes, and prom dates? Was I not good enough?Pretty enough? Thin enough? 

These questions use to plague me, leaving me tear stained on my pillow at 3 A.M. while blaring Avril Lavigne through my iPod headphones. 

It’d take years for the wisdom to come. It took countless trials and guidance to get me to this understanding. It wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough- it had nothing to do with the superficial things the world has constructed to define a good relationship. It had everything to with Jesus and what He was protecting me from. 

He protected me from heartache- because He knew the damage it would do. He protected me from abuse- because He knew the scars that would need mending. He protected me from the smooth moves- because He knew that something better was in store.

He knew who I would be with and that is who He has been saving me for.

My heart is uncharted by another simply for the fact that God has been sparing my husband from the damage of others and for that, I am thankful. For that, I am willing to endure the life of singleness because I know I am preserving something special for the man whom God has designed for me. When I meet and marry this man, He gets all of me. That is why I wear the ring on my left hand- to symbolize that I am willing to wait. I am willing to hold back from the selfish desires faceted by the world to ensure that when my husband gets me, he gets me- and just me. 

 

“I will wait, for my beloved” 

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