Playing with Control

When I was 15, I remember my mom pulling into a deserted parking lot and telling me to unbuckle, get out, and take the driver’s seat. In a matter of seconds, she handed over the control over to me. She handed over responsibility and trust. My one question ” The brake is on the left right?”

Then at 18, I walked across a stage wearing a burgundy cap and gown, honors cords and stoll, and am handed my duel seal diploma. They handed me the control of my education. In one slip of paper I now could decide how to educate myself. My one question ” What do I do now?”

Then at 19, I’m sitting in my RA’s dorm crying my eyes out on Valentine’s Day. Not because of a boy, but because in a matter of seconds I realized that for 5 years I had controlled my life under the belief that I was a child of God. Instead, God revealed that I had not released that control nor fully acknowledged Him as Lord of my life. My one question” Will you take over my life?”

From then on I’d battle. Battle with God to try to control things in the way I saw fit. I’d rear my stubborn head, chase my hopeless dreams, and fulfill my earthly desires. I’d proclaim “I’ve got this under control” when deep inside I was a tantrum throwing, scared as ever child of God just trying to figure out how to live for Him. It’d take some years for me to realize that when God took over my life, He also would take control- if I gave it to Him. I just had to pursuing my ways because my way was plagued with my sin. My way would bring destruction and pain. It took me enduring this pain to finally hit the bottom. It was there, in the still of the night, I heard Him whisper-

” My daughter, are you done? Are you ready to live the life I’ve prepared for you? If so, let go. Let go, and let me have control.”

I handed him the keys, car, and everything else He asked for. He showed me that living the life for Him would be hard because it meant I wouldn’t get the earthly desires I wanted. It’d be hard because there would be the suffering of wanting to belong. But He showed me it was possible, because Jesus made it possible.

When we let God have control, our life’s can be lived a little easier. We can walk in His ways, trusting that He knows what we need. We don’t have to worry about this life- because we can rest in the promise that He knows our every longing and need.

So today, who’s in control of your life?



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