Chapter 17. Could be from any book, but for me its of a particular one. One with an autograph in the front and my name on page 75- the start of chapter 17. The page that shares just part of the page in my story with the world.
The story of pain and despair, the story of the struggle with suicide.
I revisit that page, page 75, occasionally. Not because I struggle with the thought of killing myself any more, but more so I can remember the strength I had to not only say no to my selfish desire and pull myself back out of the tub, but also to share just a brief glimpse with the world the struggle. The question- is life really worth it?
That night- I didn’t know, yet I decided to say yes. Today, 4 years later- I know the answer.
Yes. Yes, life is worth so much more. In the 4 years God has saved me from that tiny dorm room that I built as a jail cell for myself. He brought a new life to me and daily lavishes me with a love that only He is capable of. He has redeemed my past and now uses it as fuel to the fire- the fire that is burning bright for His name.
Chapter 17 was just that. A chapter. A chapter in my life that doesn’t define the whole story, yet was a key chapter in the big picture. The story of my life was written completely at the beginning of time, while I may not know the full thing- I’m thankful to still be living it today.
“For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Psalm 30:5 ESV